Tag: hetalia

The Satyr!Rome and Elf!Germania AU That Should Totally Exist

Okay, I know this is kind of random, but can we just pause for a moment and think about something real quick? I really, really love mythological creatures, have my entire life so far and will probably continue to ‘till the day I die. So, I was just daydreaming a while back, when I thought of something.

What if there was an AU in which Rome was a satyr and Germania was an elf?

Satyrs are creatures from Greek and Roman mythology that are half-goat half-human; they’re most well-known for drinking lots of wine, partying, and chasing nymphs. As for elves, they’re from mainly Germanic and northern European mythology, mischievous beings that tend to enjoy playing tricks on humans and other mythological creatures.

So, just imagine an AU in which satyr!Rome and elf!Germania are in an already-established relationship in modern times and live in a house together. By this point, Germania’s obviously going to be very, very good with magic and stuff like that, so, partially for convenience, partially because it’s fun to freak people out, Germania’s taken the liberty to set up magic portals all over the place that only he can see and access. With this, whenever he’s mad at Rome for one reason or another, probably the little shit confusing him for a nymph again, he simply jumps into one of his portals and *POOF!* No more elf man!

Of course, this tends to really annoy and confuse Rome, as only Germania knows where the hell any of these things lead, meaning Rome has to spend several hours running around, looking for the bae. And in the end, the entire time he’s been looking, Germania’s literally been sitting at the top of a really tall, really sturdy tree in the nearest park. That portal legitimately dropped him off on a tree branch nearby. I kid you not.

And so, as soon as Rome finds him, he’s obviously kind of simultaneously grouchy and distressed. Therefore, the two then begin arguing like an old married couple while one of them’s on top of a tree.

“C’mon, can’t you just come down from there so we can talk this out?!”

“No, I’m mad at you!”

“But Germmmaaaaannnniiiiiiiaaaaaa, I said I’m soooorrrrrrryyyyyy!”

“No! I’m not coming down and that’s final!”

“Oh, for the love of- You’re in a damn tree! Don’t you think this is getting out of hand?!”

This continues for a good while, the moms nearby covering their children’s ears while glaring daggers at the two; some people a little too far away to hear anything they’re saying think Rome’s talking to the tree. Eventually, someone decides enough’s enough and calls the cops on them.

That evening, Germany and the Italy brothers get a call from the police station saying that they have Rome at the station and are in the process of coaxing Germania out of the tree.

Why doesn’t this exist?

Here’s a long & dumb story of what I’ve been doing today:

95-percent-mspa-trash:

95-percent-mspa-trash:

Okay, so it all started a couple months back when I was really super into Fandomstuck (still am, just not as much) & I read this Hetastuck one-shot thing on tumblr in which Hetalia introduced Homestuck to his younger brother, Doitsu. At first I was confused, but then I remembered that some Hetalians are really ridiculously into worshipping Germany or something like that, so I brushed it off.

However, today I found something else about Doitsu, don’t remember what, & decided to look that shit up.

Holy mother of cats did I not know just how deep this rabbit hole went.

There’s, as of now, a Doitsuism wiki, at least three tumblr blogs, and a series of Doitsuism pages parodying the bible. Like, this is WAY crazier & more hilarious than I initially thought!

So basically, I’ve spent at least two or so hours of my day just flipping through Doitsuism things & laughing hysterically at this hilarious section of the fandom, when I thought, “Hey, what if someone decided to make their own parody religion or something based on another character from Hetalia & them & the Doitsuists jokingly bickered or fought or something?”

Which made me automatically think of the hilarity that would most likely ensue if someone decided to make a Hetalia cult based around tomatoes, Romano, & Spain.

Like, seriously, this hypothetical Hetalia thing would probably say potatoes & Germans are bad or something along the lines of that, because Romano hates Germany’s interactions with Veneziano & makes a point of hating on potatoes.

Honestly, if this actually happened, I’d either be on the tomato side or sitting on a lawn chair in the background, eating popcorn and waiting for the inevitable shitstorm.

image

Guys, guys, I’m making this a thing. I’ve already set up the blog (it’s private & can’t be found in search results at the moment) & I’m making it happen.

I’ve done it. Through a lot of terrible editing, I’ve done it.

Here’s the blog: tomatoism.tumblr.com

Here’s a long & dumb story of what I’ve been doing today:

95-percent-mspa-trash:

Okay, so it all started a couple months back when I was really super into Fandomstuck (still am, just not as much) & I read this Hetastuck one-shot thing on tumblr in which Hetalia introduced Homestuck to his younger brother, Doitsu. At first I was confused, but then I remembered that some Hetalians are really ridiculously into worshipping Germany or something like that, so I brushed it off.

However, today I found something else about Doitsu, don’t remember what, & decided to look that shit up.

Holy mother of cats did I not know just how deep this rabbit hole went.

There’s, as of now, a Doitsuism wiki, at least three tumblr blogs, and a series of Doitsuism pages parodying the bible. Like, this is WAY crazier & more hilarious than I initially thought!

So basically, I’ve spent at least two or so hours of my day just flipping through Doitsuism things & laughing hysterically at this hilarious section of the fandom, when I thought, “Hey, what if someone decided to make their own parody religion or something based on another character from Hetalia & them & the Doitsuists jokingly bickered or fought or something?”

Which made me automatically think of the hilarity that would most likely ensue if someone decided to make a Hetalia cult based around tomatoes, Romano, & Spain.

Like, seriously, this hypothetical Hetalia thing would probably say potatoes & Germans are bad or something along the lines of that, because Romano hates Germany’s interactions with Veneziano & makes a point of hating on potatoes.

Honestly, if this actually happened, I’d either be on the tomato side or sitting on a lawn chair in the background, eating popcorn and waiting for the inevitable shitstorm.

image

Guys, guys, I’m making this a thing. I’ve already set up the blog (it’s private & can’t be found in search results at the moment) & I’m making it happen.

95-percent-mspa-trash:

Fuck, now I keep thinking of dumb rules for the Church of Romanito.

…

Does anyone want to help me make this a thing, or am I just alone here?

Really, fandom, I know you’re there. I just want someone to tell me whether or not this is a good idea before it’s too late!

Here’s a long & dumb story of what I’ve been doing today:

Okay, so it all started a couple months back when I was really super into Fandomstuck (still am, just not as much) & I read this Hetastuck one-shot thing on tumblr in which Hetalia introduced Homestuck to his younger brother, Doitsu. At first I was confused, but then I remembered that some Hetalians are really ridiculously into worshipping Germany or something like that, so I brushed it off.

However, today I found something else about Doitsu, don’t remember what, & decided to look that shit up.

Holy mother of cats did I not know just how deep this rabbit hole went.

There’s, as of now, a Doitsuism wiki, at least three tumblr blogs, and a series of Doitsuism pages parodying the bible. Like, this is WAY crazier & more hilarious than I initially thought!

So basically, I’ve spent at least two or so hours of my day just flipping through Doitsuism things & laughing hysterically at this hilarious section of the fandom, when I thought, “Hey, what if someone decided to make their own parody religion or something based on another character from Hetalia & them & the Doitsuists jokingly bickered or fought or something?”

Which made me automatically think of the hilarity that would most likely ensue if someone decided to make a Hetalia cult based around tomatoes, Romano, & Spain.

Like, seriously, this hypothetical Hetalia thing would probably say potatoes & Germans are bad or something along the lines of that, because Romano hates Germany’s interactions with Veneziano & makes a point of hating on potatoes.

Honestly, if this actually happened, I’d either be on the tomato side or sitting on a lawn chair in the background, eating popcorn and waiting for the inevitable shitstorm.

image

Shiptalia Spamano

Okay, so, this is some straight prose I wrote about my idea of the Shiptalia personification of South Italy/Spain. In the fanfic about Shiptalia I may or may not write, Spamano would be the intended main character. Therefore, if there is anything wrong with my characterization of him, please let me know! I appreciate any and all constructive criticism!

DISCLAIMER: Shiptalia was not my idea in any way, shape, or form, nor do I claim it was. Two people, one on tumblr and one on deviantart, dabbled in this concept before I got my hands on it. Also, I am not in any way, shape, or form claiming that all Hetalia shippers ever are like this. These are mainly generalized interpretations, not facts. Please keep this in mind and enjoy!

Spamano(Intended main character)

Spamano is the personification of Spain x Romano(Southern Italy). He has hazel eyes, short, reddish-brown, wavy hair save for the one curl sticking out, a tannish-olive skin tone, and is about 5’7”(173.5 cm). He is very temperamental, especially when he hasn’t taken his anger medication, something Gerita frequently berates him on. He tends to pick fights often, most likely because Gerita doesn’t, and these two are basically the old married couple of Shiptalia. If someone insults Gerita, Spamano gets super defensive. Well, that is unless they’re mad at each other at the moment, which does happen periodically.

He has a fanatic obsession with anything red, the color being fairly thematic to his character in general. Red is the color of tomatoes, passion, love, anger, a major color on the Spanish flag, and the color of blood. It’s Spamano’s favorite color and has the ability to arouse various emotions in him, depending on the situation. If he gets angry enough to resort to violence, he begins to see everything in red-scale. This is when you know your shit is wrecked. His weapon of choice is a battle axe that mimics Spain’s. He’s littered with various scars, most from that one time a bunch of more minor Spain and Romano ships ganged up on him and totally kicked his ass.

When on his meds, Spamano acts completely different from the previous description, being a very loving and affectionate character. He’s also incredibly cheerful, reminiscent of Spain’s normally perky self. Whenever he takes his medication, the other ships become very disoriented and confused at his, in quotation marks, “massive personality change.” However, Spamano on his meds is really just regular Spamano, but way less angry. He has severe anger issues, causing him to be very violent and bitter. On top of that, he tends to get kind of upset when he sees Gerita being overly friendly as always, due to Spamano’s obvious crush on him. For his anger, he sees a therapist, who just so happens to be Sufin. He lives in a pleasant townhouse in a small village-type place, but also owns a second home in the countryside. Sufin says it’s a good thing that Spamano goes on vacation every once in awhile and tends to his tomato plants, claiming it to be therapeutic and positive for his mental and emotional health. Spamano isn’t the best cook ever, but he makes a kick-ass paella.

Regarding his relationship with Gerita, it’s clear to literally everyone but them that they’re the old married couple of Shiptalia. Hell, Spamano doesn’t even know he has a crush on Gerita, and he’s one of the people involved! He has no idea just how romantic his feelings are towards his roommate, which is frankly surprising, Spamano being such a naturally passionate character. I’m not really sure what their biological connection is at the moment, but they’ll probably end up being either half or adopted brothers. Gerita and Spamano were both raised by their Grandpa Roger, who now hangs out in the afterlife with the other ancients-related ships and occasionally visits his grandchildren like Rome does in canon. In the prologue I typed up, Gerita moved in with Spamano unannounced, along with his little brother, Chibitalia x HRE, who’s been affectionately nicknamed ‘Chibi.’ Ever since, Gerita and Chibi have been Spamano’s “fluff-crazed” roommates. This can be rather bothersome at points, living with Gerita, because it means Spamano has to deal with the ship inviting over characters he doesn’t like. Take, for example, Usuk.

Spamano and Usuk can be summarized as ‘hate-friends,’ meaning they act with burning, passionate animosity, but deep down, have an immense sense of respect and fondness for each other. As much as they may be total dicks, they both fully-well know things just wouldn’t be the same without the other to pester. Some ships Spamano doesn’t like are Prumano and Spabel, both tending to be very condescending and antagonistic towards him, plus Belmano, of whom he hates with a burning passion. He also doesn’t like Itacest, Spuk, and pretty much any ship that contradicts his own. His close friends are mainly Fruk and Prucan, who he basically forms the Shiptalia version of the Bad Touch Trio with. This normally happens during shipping wars and when Spamano’s on his meds, always ending with Gerita helping the three nurse their hangovers. No, really, this happens without fail every time Fruk, Prucan, and Spamano hang out. It’s kind of hilarious. Spamano will occasionally spend time with Rusame, Lietpol, and lots of others. He will sometimes write fanfiction with Usuk, despite their evident hate-friendship.

Spamano speaks fluent Spanish and Italian on top of the English and Japanese that all Hetalia ships understand. He’s fairly powerful, being the fourth most popular ship on AO3, under Usuk, Fruk, and Gerita.