Okay, I know this is kind of random, but can we just pause for a moment and think about something real quick? I really, really love mythological creatures, have my entire life so far and will probably continue to ‘till the day I die. So, I was just daydreaming a while back, when I thought of something.

What if there was an AU in which Rome was a satyr and Germania was an elf?

Satyrs are creatures from Greek and Roman mythology that are half-goat half-human; they’re most well-known for drinking lots of wine, partying, and chasing nymphs. As for elves, they’re from mainly Germanic and northern European mythology, mischievous beings that tend to enjoy playing tricks on humans and other mythological creatures.

So, just imagine an AU in which satyr!Rome and elf!Germania are in an already-established relationship in modern times and live in a house together. By this point, Germania’s obviously going to be very, very good with magic and stuff like that, so, partially for convenience, partially because it’s fun to freak people out, Germania’s taken the liberty to set up magic portals all over the place that only he can see and access. With this, whenever he’s mad at Rome for one reason or another, probably the little shit confusing him for a nymph again, he simply jumps into one of his portals and *POOF!* No more elf man!

Of course, this tends to really annoy and confuse Rome, as only Germania knows where the hell any of these things lead, meaning Rome has to spend several hours running around, looking for the bae. And in the end, the entire time he’s been looking, Germania’s literally been sitting at the top of a really tall, really sturdy tree in the nearest park. That portal legitimately dropped him off on a tree branch nearby. I kid you not.

And so, as soon as Rome finds him, he’s obviously kind of simultaneously grouchy and distressed. Therefore, the two then begin arguing like an old married couple while one of them’s on top of a tree.

“C’mon, can’t you just come down from there so we can talk this out?!”

“No, I’m mad at you!”

“But Germmmaaaaannnniiiiiiiaaaaaa, I said I’m soooorrrrrrryyyyyy!”

“No! I’m not coming down and that’s final!”

“Oh, for the love of- You’re in a damn tree! Don’t you think this is getting out of hand?!”

This continues for a good while, the moms nearby covering their children’s ears while glaring daggers at the two; some people a little too far away to hear anything they’re saying think Rome’s talking to the tree. Eventually, someone decides enough’s enough and calls the cops on them.

That evening, Germany and the Italy brothers get a call from the police station saying that they have Rome at the station and are in the process of coaxing Germania out of the tree.

Why doesn’t this exist?